I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
