Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
