i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
