I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
