can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
