I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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