I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
