It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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