some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
