I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize