Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
