battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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