took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
