Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
