Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
