I am spending my child support on dildos
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize