We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
