Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
