I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
