Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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