So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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