wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my being single is dangerous.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
