Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
