Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
