3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
