I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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