Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
