I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
