sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
