I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
