I hate all girls vehemently.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
