what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
