she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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