Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am available for nakedness
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
