dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize