apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
