They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
