My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
