i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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