i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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