Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
