Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
