I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is wine microwaveable?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
