We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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