it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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