Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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