I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
