i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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