I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
