I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
