Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
