Did you just see the Batmobile???
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Enjoy the penises
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh god it's open bar.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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