So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
