you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
