Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I look better un-naked...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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