He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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