is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
