I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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