At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There r osticjed everywhere
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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