brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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