Umm I'm too high to move.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
