I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
