Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
