I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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