great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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