Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
