I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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