Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I deserve this hangover.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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