I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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